Troubled by upsetting thoughts?
Finding it hard to see things positively?
Dwelling on the negative?
Did you know that our thoughts have a big influence on our mental health?
That's because what we tell ourselves about a situation affects how we feel and what we do.
Sometimes how we interpret a situation can get a bit distorted and we only focus on the negative aspects—this is normal and expected. However when we interpret situations too negatively, we are bound to feel worse. We are also more likely to respond to the situation in ways that are unhelpful in the long term. Fortunately, there are specific coping strategies that are very helpful in managing difficult thoughts.
What is healthy thinking?
Healthy thinking does NOT mean positive thinking!
No one can look at things positively all the time. Sometimes bad things happen, like getting fired at work, having an argument with a friend, or losing someone you love. It's normal and healthy to feel upset and have negative thoughts when these things happen. Healthy thinking patterns means looking at the positive, the negative, and the neutral parts of a situation, and then making a conclusion about the situation. In other words, healthy thinking means looking at life and the world in a balanced way—not through rose-coloured glasses.
What are common thinking traps?
Everyone falls into unbalanced thinking traps from time to time.
We are most likely to distort our interpretation of things when we feel sad, angry, anxious, depressed or stressed. We are also more vulnerable to thinking traps when we are not taking good care of ourselves (e.g., not eating or sleeping well). David D. Burns is an expert in thinking patterns and mood. In his book, The Feeling Good Handbook, he identifies several common thinking distortions. See if you can recognize your own thinking traps in the list below that is adapted from his book.
Overgeneralizing
Thinking that a negative situation is just one of a never-ending cycle of bad things that happen. People who overgeneralize use words like "always" or "never" in their thinking. |
Black and White Thinking
Seeing things as either right or wrong, good or bad, perfect or terrible. People who think in black and white terms see a small mistake as a total failure. |
Fortune Telling
Predicting that something bad will happen, without any evidence. |
Mental Filter
Focusing on the negative in a situation, and ignoring the good. |
Labeling
Saying something negative about yourself or other people. |
Emotional Reasoning
Thinking that bad feelings or emotions say something about how the situation actually is |
Mind Reading
Jumping to conclusions about what others are thinking, without any evidence. |
'Should' Statements
Telling yourself how you "should" or "must" act. |
How do I get out of a thinking trap?
Listed on this page are strategies to challenge common thinking traps. Many people find their mood and confidence to face difficult situations improve after working through these skills. We have also created a worksheet to help you work through each step.
Try to separate your thoughts from actual events
Ask yourself the following questions when something upsetting happens:
- What is the situation: What actually happened? Only include the "facts" of the situation that everyone would agree on.
- What are your thoughts: What are you telling yourself?
- What are your emotions: How do you feel?
- What are your behaviours: How are you reacting and what are you doing to cope?
Identify the 'thinking traps'
Take a look at the thoughts you have listed. Are you using any of the thinking traps and falling into distorted thinking patterns? It's common to fall into more than one thinking trap. Go back to the thinking trap list on page 2 and identify which ones apply to you and your current situation.
Challenge the thinking traps
The best way to break a thinking trap is to look at your thoughts like a scientist. Take the hard facts you know to be true and use them to challenge any distortions that have developed in your thinking patterns. Here are some ways to do that,
- Examine the evidence:
Try to find evidence against the thought. For example, some of us will react to making a mistake at work with the thinking trap "I can't do anything right and I'm a terrible employee." We need to ask ourselves: "Is there any evidence against that thought? Perhaps my boss complimented other work I did. Maybe I'm a good employee at some things even if there are a few things I need more experience to master" Other questions that will help you examine the evidence in a balanced way are included in our worksheet.
- Double-standard:
Ask yourself: "Would I judge other people like this if they made the same mistake? Am I being harder on myself than I am on other people?" This is a great method for challenging thinking traps that involve harsh self-criticism.
- Survey Method:
Find out whether other people you trust and respect agree with your thoughts. For example, you might be having trouble with one of your kids and think "good parents wouldn't have this kind of problem." Challenge this thought by asking other parents you respect whether they ever have any problems with their kids.
- Conduct an experiment:
Test your beliefs in person. For example, if a friend cancelled going out with you one night, you might think: "Nobody likes me enough to spend time with me." This thinking trap can be tested by doing an experiment. Try to make some plans with two or three other friends or family members and see what happens. You might have predicted they would all say no, so it will be a pleasant surprise (and a good challenge!) if one of them agrees to get together sometime in the near future.
Are all negative thoughts unhealthy thinking traps?
The answer to this is no—there are times when negative thoughts are realistic given a really bad situation. It can still be helpful to find different ways of looking at the situation. Try to find a meaningful personal challenge in the situation. See if you can find any opportunities for personal growth or developing new skills. Many people coping with difficult situations find their upsetting thoughts improve if they work on other coping skills such as identifying the main sources of stress in their lives, problem-solving things under their control, and getting some social support.
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