 Since childhood, I’ve always felt that I embodied a weak and timid personality that’s unsuitable for striving within our society, which emphasizes the importance of possessing an outgoing and sociable personality. I’ve always attributed my timid personality to my childhood-adolescent experiences with being pushed around and disrespected by some of my fellow classmates.
As I grew older, I became even more sensitive to negative criticisms from others regardless of whether the criticisms were constructive or not. I constantly compared myself to others and was consumed by a desire to possess certain attributes in others that were at times unattainable—thoughts such as “I wish I were as smart, talented, and pretty as her.” While these wishful thoughts continued circulating in my mind, negative thoughts soon prevailed in my mind. No matter how hard I tried to eradicate these negative thoughts, I constantly failed; these thoughts accompanied me through all aspects of my life including school, work, family, and social life. I felt a deep sorrow I was unable to pacify compounded with a lack of love and appreciation for myself—in essence, I lost the ability to see the good in me. I experienced the three types of suffering—greed/desire, resentment, and ignorance—that Master JinBodhi discussed with us. At this point, I felt hopeless.
Luckily, during December of last year, I received the opportunity to attend Master’s 2nd level Puti meditation course in Vancouver for 2 weeks—each class took the whole entire day. I attended Master’s course out of curiosity and was deeply grateful that I had the opportunity to do so as it was an unforgettable and life-changing experience for me. We practiced the Meditation of Greater Illumination, chanted, learned Bok Gua, and had some entertainment on the side. Additionally, Master performed healing sessions and passed on to us his teachings on how to live one’s life which were told through a series of stories that were comedial on the surface, but full of wisdom once you dig deeper. The meditation practices really helped me find peace within myself, preventing me from seeking outwards for an answer to my sorrow; rather, it allowed me to search within myself for true happiness. Throughout the duration of the course, I cried several times, feeling even lighter each time. I felt my heart gradually open up as each day went by. After meeting Master, I was lifted up and away from my own darkness into the light of hope! I was able to honestly say that I truly felt happy.
Recently, I was thrilled to be given yet another opportunity to attend Master’s 3rd level class in June of this year—luckily, it was at a time when I was on school break! From this course, I gained a much deeper understanding of our most venerable Medicine Buddha’s link to the Greater Illumination practice and what infinite compassion truly means. Throughout this course, I continued to be deeply touched by Master’s deep compassion—Master did not just stop at himself after reaching Enlightenment, he made a huge vow to help all of us, who are suffering, to become free like him because we can all become Buddhas. To this, I am deeply grateful—beyond what words can describe--towards Master JinBodhi!.
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